For sale: Baby shoes. Never Worn. Part 2

It’s been on my mind, so I want to go back to the posting about For sale: Baby shoes. Never Worn. from last week and take another look at it.

This 6 word story has three things going for it. #1: it is powerful and poignant. #2: it makes you think about the story behind the words. And #3: it is quite tidy and subtle. These three things are what make these six words a story.

You cannot simply put six words together in a sentence and call it a story. It would not have any value for a reader if there were nothing deeper than the simple text. For example:

Here are six words: story time?

There is no substance to this. I want to take my six word stories and make them deeper. I believe my six word stories meeting #1 and #2 of my list above, but I do not believe they meet #3. My six word stories tell rather than show, and this is not subtle at all. In longer works of fiction a key tool is many, many times to show and not tell. I will take my two top six word stories from last time and see if I can improve on them:

Sorry you died from my knife.

And

Love is how we speak together.

Let’s start with Sorry you died from my knife.

My knife protrudes. I back away.                                      Nice, I like it well enough…

Screaming, thump, the screech of tires. ………………………Hmmmm

Ragged breath, bent back, I’m here. ………………Ugg, these are getting worse… how to split the six words?

A pain, spreading red, I disbelieve. ……………………… well, I liked the first one of these best.

And then on to, Love is how we speak together.

Six words cannot express my love. ……………….Eh, I just liked that there were six words in this sentence.

Our words proclaim our everlasting bond!...............Oh so sappy! Too sappy! Now the happy story is hard.

Hold me, don’t ever let me go…………………………….not enough imagery?

Holding hands, we face the future.                             Nice, togetherness.