For sale: Baby shoes. Never Worn. Part 2

It’s been on my mind, so I want to go back to the posting about For sale: Baby shoes. Never Worn. from last week and take another look at it.

This 6 word story has three things going for it. #1: it is powerful and poignant. #2: it makes you think about the story behind the words. And #3: it is quite tidy and subtle. These three things are what make these six words a story.

You cannot simply put six words together in a sentence and call it a story. It would not have any value for a reader if there were nothing deeper than the simple text. For example:

Here are six words: story time?

There is no substance to this. I want to take my six word stories and make them deeper. I believe my six word stories meeting #1 and #2 of my list above, but I do not believe they meet #3. My six word stories tell rather than show, and this is not subtle at all. In longer works of fiction a key tool is many, many times to show and not tell. I will take my two top six word stories from last time and see if I can improve on them:

Sorry you died from my knife.

And

Love is how we speak together.

Let’s start with Sorry you died from my knife.

My knife protrudes. I back away.                                      Nice, I like it well enough…

Screaming, thump, the screech of tires. ………………………Hmmmm

Ragged breath, bent back, I’m here. ………………Ugg, these are getting worse… how to split the six words?

A pain, spreading red, I disbelieve. ……………………… well, I liked the first one of these best.

And then on to, Love is how we speak together.

Six words cannot express my love. ……………….Eh, I just liked that there were six words in this sentence.

Our words proclaim our everlasting bond!...............Oh so sappy! Too sappy! Now the happy story is hard.

Hold me, don’t ever let me go…………………………….not enough imagery?

Holding hands, we face the future.                             Nice, togetherness.

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

This "story" was mentioned to me today. The first four words take on a world of meaning once you read the last two words. First there is a sale, then there are shoes, then there is a description of those shoes, however, description implies the reason the shoes are sold. There once was a happy purpose for those shoes, however, now there is no purpose for those shoes, and this is sad.

Doesn't the story have more poignancy before I explained it?

I can accept that these six words count as a story. Then I wonder, could I do it too? How could a person write a story in six words? Hemingway is a master--what are my skills to him? Although, I am certainly going to try. Watch me!

Okay, let's start. Six words and there needs to be a deal sealer. Something sad, or happy? Let's try both! I think a sad six word story would be easier. Hemingway's story is so poignant.

I know you didn't want to die.     opps! Seven words...

Sorry you thought I didn't know.     ...better, but no umph!...

Sorry you died from my knife.      ....okay, okay, this one I can live with!


But now let's try to write a happy one. I think this would be harder because sad things tend to be more poignant than happy things.

Together we make the perfect match.               okay, but no zing...

To make a world, be together.                          hmmm.

Love's the only word I need.                      yeah, but I cheated and used and apostrophe.

Love is how we speak together.                 ooohhh I like this one.

Can you do it? Write a happy six word story?