Writing Prompt: sad in a happy situation

Dear Diary,

Lucy got married today. I suppose I’m supposed to be happy for her. And I am. Really I am. It’s just, I never imagined her to get married so young. Not that we’re young, but I guess so soon. I didn’t expect her to get married so soon. I know we’re 22 and adults. All grown up and graduated from college and all that, but I thought I’d have a few more years with her.

I mean, come on, we’re twins! We’re supposed to be together forever. Sisters for life! But then she had to go and start dating Ryan, and then fall in love. What about our plans? And not only does she date Ryan, but she gets engaged to him. And does she listen when I tell that he’s not right for her. He’s not the one.  Oh no, she doesn’t listen at all. In fact, she goes off and decides to marry the guy. And this brings us back to today.

She asked me to be her maid of honor. And I tried. I really did. I got fitted for a dress. I bought shoes. I had my hair done. I doted on her. This morning I bought her our favorite Starbuck’s caramel macchiato, forgetting her new favorite with health conscious Ryan is those nasty skinny vanilla lattes. She smiled, said thanks, and took a sip, but I know that $4.15 of delicious caramel went down the drain the second I wasn’t looking.

Dad said during the ceremony that I looked like the dentist wanted to do a root canal. He said he hoped people would thing I was emotionally ecstatically happy for my sister. He said he hoped it was true. The happy part I mean, not the root canal part. Sure dad, sure, whatever you want.

It’s not like he has to lose his other half. Lucy and I used to be close. We were each other’s halves. When we were little girls we would dress alike just because we wanted to. We finished each other’s sentences. We did everything together; we braided each other’s hair, we were in all the same classes at school and we were on the same gymnastic steam. We even went to the same college and were both in the Liberal Arts school, though Lucy was English and I was Drama. We always knew what the other one was thinking.

Then Ryan came along. And he changed everything. I think it’s all his fault. Why did he have to come between us? What’s he to Lucy? Why did he have to take her away from me? She’s my sister. And not just that, she’s my twin. She’s my mirror. I need her.

I feel so alone now. That’s why I’m here hiding in the coat closet. I think Lucy and Ryan are opening presents now. Soon it will be time for them to leave. I hope that dad doesn’t make we wave goodbye to them. I think that would definitely be more that I can handle right now.

Lucy always told me I was too emotional anyway. She probably thinks I’m a crybaby, a basket case. Hah, but what does she know. She has Ryan now. And who do I have? Who does Lucy think I’m going to tell my Shakespearean tales of woe to—the dog? Mr. Chipper Puppy Pants is not good at midnight gossip conversation. He just chews on his rawhide bone and rolls on his back for a tummy scratch.

Opps, I hear someone at the closet door. I wonder if it’s time for them to go. I wonder who it is. Lucy?

Beware the Traffic of Friday Rush Hour!

"What took you so long?" was the first thing I heard as I walked in the door tonight. On my way home I ran into problem after problem. Fate was surely out to get me.

First, I forgot my car keys in my office after I had already walked to my car. Second, once I was in my car I remembered I needed to stop for gas. On my way to the gas station, I was slowed down by the rush hour traffic, but it was worse than usual because there was a car accident. Once I finally got to the gas station all of the pumps were taken and I had to wait for one to open up. When one did open up, would you believe that when I went to pull into the open pump an Audi sped in to the gas station, cut me off and took the open pump! I had to wait 10 more minutes for another pump.

After I got gas I debated whether I should take the freeway or drive on the local streets to get home. The freeway can be faster, but the local streets usually have less people. I don't know what I was thinking because I decided the take the local streets, and boy was that a bad idea! I hit almost every red light in between the gas station and home.

When I finally did get home, it had taken me a whole extra hour beyond what it usually takes me to get home! Geez! I will never forget my keys, stop for gas, or take sides streets ever again! It's a sprint from the office to home down the freeway for me from now on out!

I suppose the only good part of the whole thing was that when I had to go back for my keys my coworker gave me a rose out of the bouquet of flowers she had received that day!

Sleep Disorders and Parasomnias: Nightmares

Nightmares are vivid nighttime events that can cause feelings of fear, terror, and/or anxiety. Usually, the person having a nightmare is abruptly awakened from REM sleep and is able to describe detailed dream content. Usually, the person having a nightmare has difficulty returning to sleep. Nightmares can be caused by many factors including illness, anxiety, the loss of a loved one, or negative reactions to a medication. Call your doctor if nightmares occur more often than once a week or if nightmares prevent you from getting a good night's sleep for a prolonged period of time.

From WebMD.com

I often dream and remember. Much of the time, I wouldn't clasify those dreams as happy per say, mostly somewhere in the middle, or weird, or nightmarish. However, I didn't know that nightmares were classified as a sleep disorder. I took them as normal. You dreams are unconscious--how could you control them or "fix" them as if they were a negative diagnosis?

I hold that dreams are made up of your fears and desires, colored by your daily life. If nightmares are negative and require a cure, then the only way to cure a nightmare would be to cure all the negative things that happen to you during your waking life. 

Then again, it is not possible to cure all the negative things that happen to you in your waking life simply because you do not have control over all of these things. In this case, the theory that your dreams are a reaction (and somewhat of a balm) to those things in your waking life that may bother you, then that means that dreams are a cure or a coping measure for those things in your waking life that you cannot handle or do not know what to do with.

There are those who say that when they are working on a complicated problem (let's say a computer code for instance) that they were mulling over it and thinking about it all day, but could not come up with the solution. That night they dream about the code and solving the problem that was stumping them. Then, when they woke up, they solved the problem with ease.

I would rather think that my dreams, whether they be happy or stressful or downright awful, served some purpose for me. I would rather find a usefulness in my dreams. Even if they are difficult, nightmares help me to face those fears during the day, that I have no choice about facing at night while asleep.

Facing ones fears at night in dreams helps one to recognize those fears during the day and face them with more strength than would otherwise be mustered if said fears had not been dreamed of.