The Measure of Misery

It feels like forever ago…

Though in actuality, it’s just been seven months.

When you had those noodle arms-- fideos brazos.

But I adored you anyway; I'm not superficial

like that. No, I’m not shallow at all.

Nonetheless you wanted to "get fit"--

you challenged yourself

with diet, exercise, and Kinect UFC trainer.

Each day 10 push-ups, 10 arnold presses,

Every day with more weights,

dumb bells and training vests. Then

energy drinks, protein bars, and recovery shakes.

The one small glass of red wine "for your health".

I do not recognize you these days.

You are a different person; you don't look the same.

I falter. This new macho man with muscles

and strength who picks me up

roughly with abandon and spins me around

without care or thought

Somehow

is transformed.

As you built your muscles, you also built

gear. With a mask you obscure your face,

you hide yourself behind plastic and fabric

Some paint and dust—weathering. Glue and velcro,

military uniform, black and tan and gunmetal grey,

camouflage green and you become something

a little more sinister, a little more volatile

terror shivers through me, wild and unrestrained.

Are you still the noodle under there or have you

become a rebel guerilla inside?

Do I care?

Will I flee in fear, or perhaps I will

don my own disguise and join you

in overthrowing the world, my friend.

***This is a poem I wrote in response to my dearest's current obession with the new Batman Movie; the Dark Knight Rises and his Bane cosplay he is working on for opening night. A Girlfriend's Review of the Dark Knight Rises.

Book Review: The Freedom Maze by Delia Sherman

Chafing, at what feels to Sophie to be her mother’s incomprehensible strictness, Sophie finds herself dumped at her grandmother’s house for the summer. And what first seems to be a dull summer in the south, becomes and adventure of self-discovery and growth. Set against the 1960’s Sophie explores the remnants of the plantation of her family.

Her tumble down the rabbit hole begins when she hears a whimsical voice while wandering through the garden maze. She makes an ignorant wish to have an adventure and make some friends, but then, she slips one hundred years into the past to 1860 and is mistaken for a slave on her grandmother’s plantation. This is unexpected and baffling to Sophie. In 1960, she is white, and now she is a slave? And expected to work? This is definitely not what she signed up for, but the tricky spirit that sent her back in time is nowhere to be found. Sophie’s journey home will certainly not return her the same as she left.

The Freedom Maze is a period framework story in which the protagonist discovers her inner strength and what it means to take responsibility and fully participate in her life, rather than simply let it be ruled by another and complain, expecting things to change, without taking actions for herself.

As a reader, I found myself identifying with Sophie so much so, that I viewed the world differently after finishing this thought-provoking book. This book deserves recognition, and I am sure that you too will gain insight from Sophie's adventure on an 1860's plantation.

Presidental Visit

The president visited my edge of the world today and all I can say about his visit is that he blocked traffic during rush hour and slowed down the buses. And as a result me. It's Friday afternoon and all I want is to get home with minimal delay and not only do I get Friday traffic, but rush hour traffic, and president traffic too. A girl just wants to go home sometimes, all oval office business aside.

Internal Dialogue

I don't know about you, but I have an internal dialogue running in my head all day. Whatever thoughts I have that I don't speak out loud are loud and clear within my cranium.

Whatever you hear come from my mouth may be something completely different from what I am thinking or it could be a compilation of what I am think, the result of my current train of thought, or my exact thoughts at the time.

Sometimes when I am blogging I let my mind run through "free association" and whatever I think of is what comes. If I let myself get to critical or analytical or editorial, I tend to slow down and the words stop and the writing stops. Just keep writing. Just keep thinking. Just keep breathing.

Do you have a running dialogue in your head?

Photography: Flowers

These are a lovely bouquet of flowers I received yesterday. Aren't they gorgeous!?

Happy Valentine's Day

smile at me softly

and take my hand

before we turn to go,

trust earth below and sky

above, their testament will show

what we have will ever grow.

Review: The Bachelor 2012 Ben Flajnik and Courtney

This week's episode takes place in Belize. There are six women left; two will go home. The four left will have home town visits. There will be three one-on-one dates and one group date. There is only a rose on the group date.

I think I always start out watching these shows, hoping that the people on them will be smart and wise, but I end up disappointed. I am not impressed by Ben. Perhaps he sees something in these women that I don't see on the camera. But, wow, has he embarrassed himself so far.

Now, I understand that these people are plied with alcohol all day and they really have nothing else/better to do while on the show, but did Ben really have to go skinny dipping? And when three different people tell you the same thing about one other person, do you think they're all really wrong and lying? No? Yes?

Let's start with the skinny dipping and maybe this is just me. But could you really continue to date someone when they've done such an intimate thing as go skinny dipping with another person when he is supposed to be staying "open" and "fair" to everyone? If he's going to go skinny dipping with one, shouldn't it be will all? (Sorry for the slight crassness, but wouldn't that be "FAIR"). He told the Shantel from the morgue that he couldn't accept her on the show because it wouldn't be fair to the other girls. How is it fair to the other women for him to go skinny dipping with Courtney? It's not. Going skinny dipping probably oriented him more strongly towards Courtney than the other women, just because it is so intimate and bonding.

And now that we're on the subject of Courtney... do you think that three different people telling you the same thing are all wrong? All three of them have doubts about her intentions for being on the show.

From what scenes the show presents of Courtney, she honestly seems like a person who is constantly trying to please others and yet is very self centered. She does what she thinks will get her what she wants. At first I know this sounds conflicting, but let me explain.

Whenever Courtney has screen time in front of the camera for commentary, she almost always make a snarky comment, followed by a silly face which seems to me that she is simply shooting the wind. And as a result, I don't think that I can take anything she says at face value. She seems to say things that she knows/thinks will elicit a reaction, whether they are what she honestly thinks or not.

During the latest episode as the women were waiting for the cocktail party to start, she seems to be more free with what she says (perhaps a little too much pina colada?) and tries to convince the women to lighten up and have a little more fun even though everyone else thinks this rose ceremony is very serious. All of her commentary is self focused rather than other focused. (Many girls act fixated on how Ben is and what they can do to make him happy. Courtney acts fixated on herself and how Ben can make her happy.)

At the same time, she very obviously has Ben wrapped around her little finger. I wouldn't be surprised if he does pick her at the end. Almost every time she sees Ben she says exactly the right thing. Oh, I "lost the spark" she will say. Which seems to confuse Ben because he thought things were going great. And to keep this girl he is obviously attracted to happy, he seeks to reassure her.

A couple times Ben takes action that seems to test Courtney, acting in "defiance" of what she obviously wants, such as inviting her only on group dates, and giving a rose to another girl on one said group date. And he questions her motivation for being on the show. She replied of course "for him" and he believes her.

...Time and TV will tell...